The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Image: Dan Dumitriu via Unsplash

Have you ever caught yourself repeating a phrase in your head—one so familiar it feels like an undeniable truth?

“I’m not a natural leader.”

“I have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously.”

“I’m just not the kind of person who takes risks.”

We all carry these stories—internal narratives that shape how we see ourselves, how we lead, and how we navigate life. Sometimes, they empower us. Other times, they quietly limit what we believe is possible.

The question is: Are these stories serving you, or is it time to rewrite them?

The Power of Narrative Identity

In psychology, the idea that we construct our identity through stories is known as narrative identity. It’s the evolving mental autobiography we create, blending our past experiences, present challenges, and future aspirations into a sense of self. It’s the story we tell about who we are, what we’ve been through, and where we’re headed.

And here’s the kicker: these stories aren’t always true.

We don’t record life like a video camera; we interpret it. Two people can experience the same event and walk away with completely different stories about what it meant. One person might say, “That failure proved I wasn’t cut out for this.”Another might say, “That failure was the moment I started to grow.”

Same event. Different story. Different future.

When Our Stories No Longer Fit

Many of the stories we tell ourselves were written years ago—sometimes by us, sometimes by the voices of parents, teachers, mentors, or society. They may have served a purpose at some point, helping us navigate challenges, build resilience, or make sense of the world.

But at a certain point, we outgrow them.

A leader who once believed, “I need to prove myself by doing everything perfectly” may reach a point where perfectionism no longer serves them—it just leads to burnout.

A professional who’s spent years thinking, “I’m not good at speaking up in meetings” might find that this story is holding them back from contributing their best ideas.

The tension we feel in these moments isn’t failure; it’s growth knocking at the door.

Rewriting the Narrative: A Leader’s Journey

The most effective leaders understand that their internal stories shape their external impact. They recognize that leadership isn’t just about skills and strategy—it’s about self-awareness. Here’s the process they embrace:

1. Identify the Story You’re Telling Yourself

What’s a belief you hold about yourself that feels like an absolute truth?

Does it empower you, or does it keep you small?

Try this: The next time you find yourself hesitating, doubting, or reacting in a way that doesn’t align with your values, pause and ask: What’s the story I’m telling myself right now?

2. Challenge the Narrative

Where did this story come from? Who first told you this about yourself?

Is it still true, or is it simply a habit of thought?

Many of our beliefs feel like unshakable facts—until we examine them closely.

For example, someone who believes, “I’m not a strategic thinker” might realize this idea came from an early career experience where they were criticized in a high-stakes meeting. One moment became a defining story. But was it the whole truth?

3. Rewrite the Story

If your current story isn’t serving you, what’s a more helpful, empowering narrative?

Let’s go back to our leader who tells themselves, “I’m not a strategic thinker.” What if they shifted the narrative to: “I am constantly learning how to think more strategically.”

Notice the difference? One story shuts the door. The other opens a window.

This isn’t about ignoring reality or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about recognizing that the stories you tell yourself shape the way you show up—and you have the power to rewrite them.

4. Step into the New Story

Changing a narrative isn’t just about thinking differently; it’s about acting differently.

If your new story is, “I am becoming a more confident speaker,” how would you show up in your next meeting? Would you take a small risk—maybe speaking up once when you’d normally stay quiet?

If your new story is, “I am a leader who values delegation,” what’s one thing you could hand off to someone else today?

Small actions reinforce new beliefs. Over time, they become part of your identity.

What Would Be Possible with a New Story?

Think about a challenge you’re facing right now. What story are you telling yourself about it?

Now ask: What’s another way to frame this story—one that expands what’s possible?

Rewriting your internal narratives isn’t just an intellectual exercise. It’s about reshaping the way you see yourself and the world around you. It’s about stepping into a more authentic, empowered version of who you already are.

And it starts with a simple but powerful question:

What’s the story I want to tell?

Reflect & Explore

If this resonated with you, take a moment to reflect and ask yourself:

What’s a story I’ve been telling myself for years?

How has it shaped my actions?

What new story would better serve my future?